The person I’m in love with is a girl. A girl I can never be with. The person I’ll probably be with is a boy who I feel next to nothing for. Life isn’t fair, but I can pretend, for everyone’s sake, that I’m not gay.
Don’t think like that! It might seem difficult if not impossible to come out, but you don’t have to settle for something or someone that doesn’t make you happy! Perhaps you can’t do anything about it right now, and perhaps this person doesn’t feel the same, but you’ll be able to be yourself in the future. It might not be tomorrow, next month or next year, but when you’re old enough you will be able to make your own decisions.
You’re only 15, still young. But, if your parents are open, perhaps you should tell them. It’s not worth lying to yourself and those close to you. I’ve realized that and I hope you do too.
It’s great having a printer that works again. My room smells like fresh prints! Will have a new etsy running soon!
I got my Camp Takota package finally! Woooo!
So. There’s this…
woman lady girl…that I never really ignored, but I definitely ignored what my body did around her. I’ve begun to get restless, and while I want to wait for the girl I mentioned earlier in the year, I can’t really keep waiting. So, along comes this customer. She’s been a regular for as long as I’ve been in deli. I’ve always liked waiting on her, she’s extremely polite and grateful for anyone with patience. Today my friend waited on her and I realized I was jealous, with no real knowledge as to why. After some thinking, I realized I’ve watched her quite a bit. And I’ve also caught her watching me. Sooooo…I’ve decided I want to get to know her but I’m incredibly shy and don’t know how to approach it. Like, I’m honestly afraid to even ask her name. That shy.
I’m 22 and feel stuck. There’s a lot of stuff happening fast and I’m not sure I like all of it. Graduation is coming, I need to find full-time employment, and am so beyond sexually frustrated. The last one has to do with everything and nothing. The one thing I’m looking forward to right now is the start of my new photo project. Come spring I’m going to be photographing my late grandpa’s hometown. While that gives me something to look forward to, I still want something right now. I guess I’m lonely? Not sure.
So I went to my LYS the other day to pick up some Berroco Vintage for a cowl, hat or gloves. Not sure yet. But, that’s not the point. I took my friend who I recently taught to knit, knowing she wanted to see what higher quality yarn is like.
Turns out, she knows the owner. Who I hate. Every time I go she talks down to me because I’m in my 20s and her typical customers are in their 40s-70s. I’m sorry but just because your husband makes enough money for you to have your own play place doesn’t mean you can be an ass to those that will give you money. I can just as easily order my yarn online or directly from the spinners (in the case of all the local yarns she carries). I know she opened the store in a very high-end town, but you don’t have to be uppity about everything and everyone you don’t immediately approve of.
I also don’t know where I want to get yarn from to make a rainbow hat. I wanted mini-skeins but I can’t find a reasonable price for them. Even buying full skeins is difficult because I can’t settle on colors.
Also, really want Camp Takota to finish downloading because my browser’s being stupid and I don’t want to watch it there. I just want my movie!
TL;DR- I love my LYS, hate the owner so much.
Everything seems like a good idea when you’re drinking. Like spending $100 that you really don’t have on some awesome shit. Which might be the care package from Camp Takota I thought I ordered last week. Yay more stuff!
Hannah Hart (of My Drunk Kitchen fame) was the first openly gay person I experienced outside of my immediate friends/family and big celebs. I found her youtube page and was fascinated. This woman was not just a hilarious cook but also someone I could for some reason, relate to. It was odd at first, because society that I had seen at the time wasn’t very accepting and my family is very homophobic. Watching her videos made me realize I shouldn’t care about what people said. Your life isn’t dictated by your past or your upbringing, you create your life and future. But, it was more than that. Watching My Drunk Kitchen led to watching her other videos, which led to watching Mamrie’s channel, which created a vicious cycle.
All that was stiff and unnatural. I guess what I’m trying to say is Hannah was the reason I fully accepted the fact that I like women and men and even though my family might not be accepting of it, that doesn’t change who I am or what I like. She just…yeah. I look up to her for so much more than just her comedy and drunk escapades, she gives me hope that I can be who I am instead of hiding it and continuing to force myself to be happy just to keep other people happy. I know she won’t see this, but I’m in a better place in my life than before I found her on youtube. Just because she won’t see this doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly grateful for her to have the courage (or is that just drunk stupidity? I’m not sure anymore…) to continue doing everything she does. Thank you Hannah.
I want to leave. I don’t have much money saved, I don’t have any plans for where I’m going, I have quite literally nothing but my computer, camera, and books. I don’t care. Somewhere there’s something for me and I’m not finding it by sitting at home writing reports for a class I just don’t care about. I’m sticking around until I graduate, but I want to figure out what’s out there. Anywhere but Massachusetts. I want to travel abroad, meet strangers, make friends. Some things just aren’t possible here. There’s not really anything keeping me beyond my family, but it’s always possible to visit. The only thing keeping me is the small chance of having something with the girl. She’s not something I want to let go. I’m going to be graduating and she’ll have two years left to go, plus grad school. I want to wait for her and show her what I have to give but I don’t know if I can wait. It’s just a lot to consider. I know what she wants and I know if I just have more patience with her, I can give her everything and then some. It’s a matter of if I can wait long enough for her.