I want to leave. I don’t have much money saved, I don’t have any plans for where I’m going, I have quite literally nothing but my computer, camera, and books. I don’t care. Somewhere there’s something for me and I’m not finding it by sitting at home writing reports for a class I just don’t care about. I’m sticking around until I graduate, but I want to figure out what’s out there. Anywhere but Massachusetts. I want to travel abroad, meet strangers, make friends. Some things just aren’t possible here. There’s not really anything keeping me beyond my family, but it’s always possible to visit. The only thing keeping me is the small chance of having something with the girl. She’s not something I want to let go. I’m going to be graduating and she’ll have two years left to go, plus grad school. I want to wait for her and show her what I have to give but I don’t know if I can wait. It’s just a lot to consider. I know what she wants and I know if I just have more patience with her, I can give her everything and then some. It’s a matter of if I can wait long enough for her.
I am in pain and anguish. Knitting tag fam, how many of you have Carpal Tunnel, and how do you deal? Mine has got really bad lately, even after an operation :( so any advice pleeaassee.
I take some excedrin and wear an ace wrap for the night and next day or two until it calms down. After that I’m good for a few more days. I also work in a deli and most of the repetitive work is on my right hand (which is the worse of the two). I’m sure I would be able to go much longer without wearing it if I didn’t do that.
I’ll be finished with a Christmas gift soon that needs blocking. I haven’t blocked before and don’t have any mats. Any ideas of where I can get at least 24 square feet under $30? I’ve tried amazon and I work at Michael’s but even with my discount I’m not paying $2 per square.
Check local thrift shops like the Salvation Army or Savers. You could probably find a child’s mat set for under $10. I’ve seen a lot of them around christmas and they’re incredibly reasonable.
I think I should accept that she’s not calling tonight. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, I just know the longer it goes without contact, the more I need to talk to her. I need to learn to trust more people but it’s difficult to do. And I don’t think she’s ready to handle the amount of baggage I have. Maybe I scared her off. Not a total shock, she would make number 3.
So I told her. And I wasn’t totally surprised by her reaction. I just wish it went better. Now I want to talk to her, I need to talk to her. She makes me laugh and I really need to laugh. Drinking is not the way to alleviate my problems but it’s a pacifier without laughter. I can’t stand the shit I get in my own home.
I deal with verbally abusive customers all day and come home to the same shit from my stepdad. Keeps saying my mom is coddling me and he should have booted me out after I graduated high school. If he ever found out I was attracted to women he’d have me out faster than I could say bisexual and never look back. I’ve had to listen to him make fun of my friends for who they love and not be able to say a thing. He’d probably smack me if he knew.
I just want her to text me. I feel like I shouldn’t be the one to initiate it at this point. The balls in her court. But I need someone to trust.
I don’t know how to talk to people. Or how to break up with people. Or how to tell the girl I work with that I just want to hold her hand and cuddle and watch corny movies all night. As far as she knows, I’m in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend and have no interest in women. It doesn’t help that she’s four years younger than me and is chasing another person that keeps breaking her heart. I don’t want her heart, just someone to share with. I feel like I’m a perpetual bother to her and I don’t want that. Seeing her gives me this doofy feeling that I like and an empty little space every time she leaves. I try telling her but it always ends up with me flustered and covering up with something else. I’m scared that when she does figure it all out, she’s not going to want anything to do with me. That’ll crush me more than just being her friend.
But, there are times when I wonder what she thinks of me. My flirting isn’t exactly ignored. We’re always incredibly close or touching when together. Any time we’re off the floor (we work in a deli) together, she starts touching. She gave me a hug the other day that lasted a little (lot) longer than a friendly hug should have. She holds my eyes longer than a friend should. None of this has gone unnoticed by our co-workers either. I’m teased about it (not that I mind) by my close friends, usually within her earshot. I know she’s not exactly quiet about her affections, but whenever I do ask, she gets embarrassed.
I just want to be able to tell her all of this. I’ve come close to just spilling over at the most inappropriate times, after she’s done something minuscule. I’ve found myself staring and daydreaming about her. And yet, I can do nothing. My own insecurities are stopping me from pursuing this adorable creature set in front of me. I can stop and think about her lying next to me, not talking, not sleeping, just being. A body to relax and calm me. That’s all I really want.
Tossing a self-promotion out!
Check out my film photo blog, Filmshot. All images taken by me, mostly on expired film. Updating content regularly, and willing to take submissions if you have any!
I don’t think I’ve been more bummed about missing a concert before. Fall Out Boy was at the Tsongas Arena on Friday and I wasn’t able to go. I’m sure plenty of people have their reasons for not liking them, but how can you not be in a feel-good mood after hearing Young Volcanoes? I suppose there’s always next time.
So I have six skeins of Berroco Vintage. Three colors and three grey variants.
Pardon the flash, the greys show better in that one. I want to do a color/grey combo but don’t know what to pair together. Any help would be awesome?!